Carrying Emma Forward: Love, Loss, and Legacy

In this conversation, Will Carrington, SUDC father to Maria, speaks with Nicole and Jonathan Lewis about their daughter Emma – her kindness, her impact, and the ways she continues to move through the world.

Through stories of love, loss, and legacy, they share how connection endures, even in the absence of answers.

Will: Please share with us some things about your daughter Emma who passed away in 2020.

Nicole and Jonathan: Emma was someone who naturally connected people. She had this quiet awareness of others, she noticed when someone felt left out, and she would step in without hesitation to make sure they felt included. It wasn’t performative, it was just who she was.

She was a social butterfly in the truest sense. She moved easily between different friend groups and made people feel comfortable being themselves. There was a lightness to her, but also a depth in the way she cared about people.

One moment that has stayed with us happened the Christmas before she passed. Our family was delivering donations to a local teen foster home, and Emma recognized a classmate there. She was genuinely surprised and deeply affected by that realization. Around the same time, we were preparing for her eighth grade “Grad Bash” trip, and she asked if she could use one of her Christmas gifts to help pay for another student to attend, someone who might not otherwise have the opportunity.

That was Emma. She didn’t just feel empathy she acted on it.

She loved sports, especially volleyball and football, and she brought that same energy and enthusiasm into everything she did. But more than anything, she made people feel seen. That’s what we hear over and over again, and it’s what continues to define her for us.

Will: Both of your daughters were accomplished volleyball players.  Were you able to remain connected to the sport after Emma’s death?  If so, what were some of the complications?

Nicole and Jonathan: Volleyball was a big part of both Emma’s and her big sister Avery’s lives, so it wasn’t something we could simply step away from and in many ways, we didn’t want to.

Continuing to show up for Avery was important. She deserved to have her own experience, her own moments, and her own growth within the sport. Supporting her meant finding a way to stay present, even when the environment itself held so many memories of Emma.

That’s where it became complicated. The gym, the teammates, the routines so much of it was tied to Emma. There were moments when it felt grounding, like a connection to her, and other times when it felt overwhelmingly heavy. Especially having to cheer on her best friends and teammates. We love those girls and loved watching them succeed, but it also highlighted everything that Emma was missing and that was heartbreaking at times. 

There’s also a balance that had to be learned. Making sure Avery’s experience remained her own, not overshadowed by loss, while also acknowledging that Emma is still very much a part of our family and our story.

For the first five years after Emma’s loss, we were part of a memorial volleyball tournament in Emma’s honor. The proceeds were used to pay for a less privileged, but talented player to compete in travel volleyball. It was also a time that brought us happiness and sadness all in one. 

We’ve stayed connected in different ways, including with people from Emma’s team, but it’s evolved. Avery went on to play collegiate volleyball and has made us and Emma so proud. It’s no longer the same space it once was, and that’s something we’ve had to accept. It’s a place that now holds both pride and pain at the same time.

Will: It’s now been six years since Emma passed away.  How do you manage the sequence of missed rites of passage – such as high school graduation – that inevitably arise?

Nicole and Jonathan: Those milestones are some of the hardest moments because they’re so visible and so expected. They mark time in a very clear way, and when your child isn’t there to move through them, the absence feels amplified.

Emma’s classmates’ forward movement – graduating and starting new chapters – has been both beautiful and incredibly difficult to witness. We’re genuinely happy for them, but there’s always that parallel awareness of what should have been.

Last year, when Emma would have graduated, it was a particularly heavy milestone. We chose to acknowledge it intentionally by creating the Emma Lewis Kindness Scholarship. It gave us a way to honor that moment rather than avoid it.

There are also quieter, more unexpected moments that surface. Seeing familiar faces move on, grow and change all while Emma’s image remains stalled at 14. It’s a reminder of how time continues to move forward, even when part of your world feels like it stopped.

Will: Lastly, please tell me about Emma’s marbles.

Nicole and Jonathan: Not long before Emma passed, we had a family conversation about the idea of turning ashes into something tangible, small glass marbles that could be held, carried, and shared. At the time, it felt like a simple, almost curious thought.

After she died, that conversation came back with complete clarity. We had thousands of marbles made using her ashes. Each one is unique, and each one holds a small part of her.

What started as something deeply personal has grown into something much larger. Those marbles have traveled across continents, into countries all over the world, and even to several of the Wonders of the World. People take them on trips, carry them in their pockets, and place them in meaningful locations. We receive photos regularly and it’s what we’ve come to call “Emma’s Adventures.”

What’s been most meaningful is not just where they’ve gone, but what they create. They give people a way to connect to Emma, to us, and often to their own experiences of love and loss. They offer something to hold when words aren’t enough.

If someone feels drawn to be part of that, we’ve made it possible for people to receive a marble and carry her with them in their own way. It’s become a quiet but powerful extension of who she was, still bringing people together, still moving through the world. It also keeps her name relevant and as parents who have lost children we all know exactly how important that is.