For Siblings

A child’s reaction to their sibling’s death can vary depending on age, developmental state, socialization, and the circumstances of death; including how they found out. The Dougy Center: The National Center for Grieving Children & Families has wonderful information on the developmental stages as it relates to the concept of death, grief response, and signs of distress. You can view these details here.

Here are some tips adapted from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) to help:

Acknowledge that many siblings feel guilty, but correct inaccurate thoughts and information.

Reassure the child that all children are different and unique, and that he or she is just as important and loved as the child who died. You should also pay attention to friends or family members’ comments comparing a surviving sibling to the child who died. You should comfort your child and help others understand that this can be hurtful.

Focus on comforting connections with the sibling who died, perhaps by talking with surviving children about happy memories or special life lessons they shared. At the same time, help surviving children to see and appreciate their own unique strengths and abilities and their special place within the family.

Although difficult, keeping open communication and providing your child with age-appropriate information about their deceased sibling so that they can feel comfortable coming to you with their questions, concerns, and feelings will help you to understand your surviving children’s feelings, fears, and help them understand their sibling’s death.

Consider the impact of where and how many of your deceased child’s things are kept visible in the home by trying to include siblings in some of the decision making in age-appropriate ways. age. Physical reminders can be comforting for surviving children and let them know that the person who died was a valued member of the family. If you yourself find these reminders too upsetting, look for ways that the surviving children can keep some reminders.

Encourage children to return to their regular, life affirming activities. Playing and socializing with friends can increase children’s sense of accomplishment and give them vital social support.

If children show recurring feelings of responsibility and guilt, reassure them that the death was not their fault. Explain that things often look different when we look back and think about “what might have been,” but that there was nothing they could have done at the time. Let children know that you don’t blame them for their sibling’s death.

Acknowledge surviving children’s fears and talk about them without dismissing them. Reassure children about their safety, for example, by reviewing safety plans and establishing check-in times.

Families registered with the SUDC Foundation can access more information on children and grief in the private access area for registered families section of our website.

Nctsn.org. (2019). Sibling Loss Fact Sheet: Sibling Death and Childhood Traumatic Grief. [online] Available at: https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources//sibling_death_and_childhood_traumatic_grief_families.pdf [Accessed 13 Nov. 2019].

“The Colors of Love and Loss” By Dr. Joanne Cacciatore – Free Digital Book – English & Spanish

All God’s Creatures Go To Heaven by Amy Nolfo-Wheeler. All ages.

Children Are Not Paper Dolls by Erin Linn (Ages 9-15)

Children Facing Grief by Jan Rodmond (Ages 8-16)

Dancing on the Moon by Janice Roper and Lauren Grimm (Ages infant to Preschool)

Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins-A Journal For Teenagers Experiencing a Loss by Enid Samuel Traisman (Ages: Young Adult)

Grieving for the Sibling You Lost: A Teen’s Guide to Coping with Grief & Finding Meaning After Loss by Erica Goldblatt Hyatt (Ages: Teen)

Healing Grieving Hearts for Teens by Alan Wolfet (Ages: Young Adult)

Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities For Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies by Janis Silverman (Ages 5–teen)

Here in the Garden by Briony Stewart (Ages 5-8)

I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas (Ages 4-8)

I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand by Pat Palmer and Dianne O’Quinne Burke (Ages 9 –12)

I’ll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm (Ages 4-8)

Isabella’s Dream by Betsy Bottino Arenella (Ages 4-8)

Losing Someone You Love by Elizabeth Richter (Ages 7 and up)

My Brother Joey Died Today by McLendon & Messner (Ages 10-14)

Sad Isn’t Bad- A Good Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss by Michaelene Mandy and RW Alley (Ages 4-8)

Someone Came Before You by Pat Schwiebert (Preschool age)

Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers: How to Cope With Losing Someone You Love by Earl A Grollman (Teens)

The Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley (Ages 4–8)

The Fall of Freddy the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia (Ages 4–8)

The Invisible String by Patrice Karst (Ages 4-8)

The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland (Ages 4-8)

The Tenth Best Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst and Erik Blegvard (Ages 4-8)

This Book is For All Kids but Especially For My Sister Libby. Libby Died. by Jack and Annette Simon (Ages 4 –8)

To Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas For Kids by Alan Wolfet (Ages 9-12)

Today My Sister Died by Ronee Christy Domske (Ages 10 and up)

What Do They Do All Day in Heaven? by Staci Thomas

What on Earth to Do When Someone Dies by Trevor Romain (Ages 9 – 12)

What’s Heaven by Maria Shriver (Ages 5-8)

When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Tales: Life Guides for Families) by Laurie Krasny Brown (Ages 4-8)

When Someone VERY Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard (to be illustrated by children) (ages 6-12)

Where’s Jess? by Joy & Marv Johnson (Ages 3-8)

• Helping Children Understand Cremation 
• How to Explain Cremation to a Child 

• Sample letter for your child’s school 
• When a Student Loses a Sibling: A Toolkit for Schools 

• The Dougy Center – The mission of Dougy Center is to provide grief support in a safe place where children, teens, young adults, and their families can share their experiences before and after a death. 
• The Compassionate Friends –  The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.  

• Seasons Centre for Grieving Children –  Seasons Centre provides peer support and education for children, youth and families facing the death of a loved one. 
• Fred Rogers Center ​- Staying true to the vision of Fred Rogers, we help children grow as confident, competent, and caring human beings. 
• Coalition for Grieving Students -The Coalition to Support Grieving Students is a unique collaboration of the leading professional organizations representing classroom educators (including educators, paraprofessionals, and other instructional staff), principals, assistant principals, superintendents, school board members, and central office staff, student support personnel (including school counselors, school nurses, school psychologists, school social workers, and other student support personnel), and other school professionals who have come together with a common conviction: grieving students need the support and care of the school community. 
• New York Life Bereavement Resources – The Foundation strives to support young people, particularly in the areas of educational enhancement and childhood bereavement support. 
• National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement – The National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement (NCSCB) at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles is dedicated to supporting students through crisis and loss. 

• National Alliance for Grieving Children –The National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC) is a nonprofit organization that raises awareness about the needs of children and teens who are grieving a death and provides education and resources for anyone who supports them.