Dear Violeta Sofia: A Family’s Letters of Love and Remembrance

Will: Laura and I spoke in July about the loss of her daughter Violeta Sofia and it was one of my favorite conversations.  Laura spoke about many things:

• About Violeta’s birth in the Covid year of 2020, 
• About how excited 8-year-older Ana Victoria was to have a little sister.
• About how Laura and her husband Ivan were from Ecuador but how they were living in Poland at the time.
• About how Violeta was obsessed with “Hey Jude.”
• About how their young family felt so complete during a beach vacation in France during the summer of 2022.
• About how Violeta died later in 2022 when she was 21 months old.
• About how their friends and the Polish authorities were kind and supportive, and about how their family in Ecuador did their best, too, even though they were thousands of miles away.
• About how Laura, Ivan, and Ana Victoria later moved to the United States along with Violeta’s ashes.
• About how much their whole family still misses Violeta Sofia.

Laura and I worked to transcribe and edit that conversation into the type of interviews that have previously been “published” here, but in the end, Laura decided that she would rather contribute excerpts from the letters that she, Ivan, and Laura’s sister Maria Luisa have written to Violeta Sofia in the time since her passing.  

What follows is their story, told in their own words. 

September 2. 2022

From Laura: 

This is the song that we sang to Violeta time to time. 

“Violeta is Sweet as a chocolate flan,

 Violeta is as good as melon juice, 

Violeta is wise as 20 dictionaries, 

because Violeta is a Superior Girl” 

Violeta, you came into our lives like a shooting star, as part of Ana Victoria’s’ wish to have a sister. You brought a lot of happiness. Your arrival into this world was a journey, I couldn’t meet you from the first minute, and I had to wait 3 days to see you. No introductions were needed; you recognized my voice from the first moment… and that’s how we began to love each other. You came into our lives with absolute security, knowing that your stay on earth was going to be short, and you couldn’t waste time. You filled our lives with laughter, songs, and dances. Hey Jude became our hymn…. 

Ivan was your unconditional boyfriend and Ana Victoria your best friend.  

From Ivan:

My love, my little one… you left a huge void in our lives, you leave us breathless, powerless, and desolate. We feel you in every corner of our place. I will always remember every time that you wanted to go outside, you brought me my shoes to encourage me to go with you!… Now I hope you come to pick me up and go together once again my little one. We will miss your strong and energetic voice, imposing order in this family, you always told us what to do or where to go.  I will never forget your hugs and kisses, everything in you was joy. 

From Laura and Ivan 

Violeta…. “beautiful and strange, elemental and pure, who lived as a stranger to ordinary life. She is so ethereal and not of this world that eventually she simply floats up to heaven in front of her whole family”. (Gabriel Garcia Márquez- Hundred Years of Solitude). Your departure was unexpected, without reason. You didn’t give us time to react, you were in a hurry, and you left us! 

The angels do not give explanations! We will cry with the left eye for you and make Ana Victoria laugh with the right eye until the time that we see you again. This is not a goodbye, it’s just a see you later…

From Maria Luisa 

Violeta Sofia, you were a very planned girl, but above all, very expected; and despite that, you arrived when you wanted and without warning. You got the wisdom of someone who understood everything, like a whirlwind of energy, you came in the most chaotic moment the world was experiencing however, your arrival made us forget everything. You were so powerful and bright, and like the fireworks you stayed in our memories, you left us wanting to see more. Your farewell has left us sad, exhausted with so many questions. You didn’t want to talk because you preferred to sing. 

Violeta Sofia, you were like your name in Spanish, a wise and beautiful flower in our lives. I remember you, unstoppable and very secure. Your unexpected departure makes me imagine that you came to this world just for visiting us. You no longer had anything to learn, you knew everything. You just wanted to see your three loves again, you needed to kiss them madly, hug them, laugh wildly, and enjoy their moments of peace. All of us were witnesses to such overflowing love. See you soon Violeta, you will be alive in our minds as the most beautiful flash of light we could have ever witnessed.

September 6, 2022

From Maria Luisa

One of your bravest musketeers (your brave Violeta D’Artagnan) has told you a see you later, nothing more… but she has left you with her light on in your hearts. You are going to get ahead like in every challenge that has been resented to you until today, like when you had her with you. All for one and one for all. Today Ivan and Laurita are for Ana and Ana is for you.

Today you feel her with grief because it is difficult to get used to not seeing her physically, but every day that pain is going to be transformed into strength and a source of inspiration. Many wonderful things remain to be experienced by each one. Every moment you will have the memory of your brave musketeer Violeta D’Artagnan. Violeta D’Artagnan… came to teach you to live without fear. Which it is worth risking. That nothing is impossible and that above all no one can decide or control your actions. She taught you that Family’s love is the richest thing, that eating, and sleeping are important to recharge the body, music recharges the soul and that water is the most refreshing thing in life. At the end of this flood of emotions, you will see a beautiful rainbow, which will always remind you that everything you do is the result of love. 

The following phrase brings me some comfort. “Since you are not experienced in the things of the world, all things that have some difficulty seem impossible to you. Trust in time, which usually gives sweet endings to bitter difficulties” (Miguel de Cervantes.) 

I send you many hugs, and I leave you, but with the firm idea that you are warriors. No one will ever stop you and you will never be defeated. You always have your armor on ready to fight in this battle that we so call life.

From Laura: 

Ivan, Ana Victoria, and Violeta. These words lead me to think that the four of us are one. It doesn’t matter if we’re together or not. For now, I still can’t understand the reason why my smallest musketeer left us; however, what I know, and it is something that no one is going to take away from us is the love we have as a family. We have more than 16,000 photos and videos where we have collected pieces of our happiness, I close my eyes and see us all as one, as always.

One Year Later 2023

From Laura:

Violeta Sofia, wise and beautiful flower, secure and stoppable you knew everything… 

It’s been a year without being able to see you and taste you, my mamolis… I close my eyes and a world of memories comes to me. Every time I dream of you, I don’t want to wake up because in those dreams I enjoy you and you fill me with calm. We planned for you so much and yes, you arrived when you wanted, in the most chaotic moment our world was living, and you also left without giving explanations, leaving us with a world of mysteries and a broken heart.

During the short time I lived with you, you taught me a world of colors, so determined and confident. You didn’t speak, but you sang and you opened us up to a fantastic musical world. Every time I listen to the songs that obsessed you at such a young age, it undoubtedly was a way of sending us a message, and that’s why I say you knew everything. When I want to find solace, I listen to “Hey Jude” or “I Love You” (Amy Belle) and I feel like you’re singing them to me. I won’t deny it, your absence hurts, and it will hurt until the end of my days; however, we found the best therapy in your memory.

I want you to know something, I have seen your father, who has lost one of his most precious treasures, get up every day with a broken heart but with great strength to make your sister laugh and enjoy life, he is my rock. I have seen your sister, who lost her best friend, the one she wished for so much to come, accept death as part of life with a maturity and uncommon strength for girls her age, and always reminding me that she is there to protect us. 

And I have seen myself, a mother who lost her daughter, trying to unlearn and learn how to live a reality that was not in our plans.

Violeta, you continue to teach me that we are the ones who put colors into life and that no one else can do it. Happiness is not the goal, but the journey. What I admire most about our family is that we have gotten up for the past 365 days, always with nostalgia, but seeking ways to generate happiness and not sadness. When you were born, I said to the world that the four of us would be happy, and I still believe it, even when you are not physically here, your memory is a halo of light, and that’s why you deserve to be mentioned every day!

With your absence, I have had to learn that, like you, every week there are more families in the world who have to go through this painful path. Your story is very similar to that of many other children’s Foundation Family Support The world missed out on getting to know you deeply, but I will make sure that no one forgets you, because you deserve to be remembered by those who knew you and by those who didn’t!

Two Years Later

From Laura

“Life is not about what one has lived, but what one remembers and how one chooses to remember it in order to recount it.”

—Gabriel García Márquez 

I truly believe that memories shape our lives. I must confess, with each passing day, I miss you more. Your memory gives me the strength to keep moving forward. Every time I say your name, I feel your energy—like a halo of light surrounding me. Before you came into this wild world, I used to believe that your father, Ana Vic, and I were like the Three Musketeers, fully embracing the adventure we call life. And then you arrived, my Violeta D’Artagnan, and amplified our joy beyond measure. We kissed and loved each other madly.

Now, two years since you left, we—your Three Musketeers—are still standing. We love each other fiercely, and we wear that love as our most powerful armor. I know you miss us too. That’s why today, I want to share the lyrics of a song that’s tattooed on my soul and skin: “I know you didn’t wish to go, I know you want to stay. Wherever you are, I will one day come to you. Please just save one more kiss for me.”

I love you, my Violeta Sofía. 

We will see each other again, my Violeta D’Artagnan.

Three Years Later

From Laura

My beloved Violeta,

Today marks three years since you left, and I want to share with you some moments that have become part of my everyday life in your absence. Each day brings new people into our lives. As I connect with them, the usual questions arise: “What’s your name?”, “Where are you from?”, “Do you have a family?”… And then comes the question I fear the most: “How many children do you have?” I fear it because I never know what will follow after my answer. These people don’t know me, and they don’t know you. I take a moment, breathe deeply, and say, “I have two daughters.” I swallow hard and continue: “My eldest, Ana Victoria, is 11 years old. And my youngest, Violeta, passed away three years ago, when she was just two.” 

In that moment, silence falls. Nostalgia wraps around me, but I also feel a kind of release—though it comes with a deep pain that escapes as a tear down my cheek. Often, the person I’m speaking with goes quiet and changes the subject. But sometimes, they look at me with tenderness and say, “I also lost a child.” And that’s when we connect. That’s how I’ve met mothers, fathers, people who, like me, have had to unlearn what they thought they knew about life and learn to live a reality they never expected. Mothers with a superpower: the strength to keep going, to make sense of the pain. We all share something in common—we look for signs and believe in them with all our hearts. Our hearts are broken, but we also know that the only thing we can truly control is the attitude we bring to the things we cannot change.

Four years later

From Laura

Violeta

A few months ago, I decided to start telling your story to the world.

Through the SUDC Foundation, I met Will, a father who had experienced a loss similar to ours twenty years earlier. He runs a blog where he shares stories from families affected by Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood, creating a space where parents and loved ones can find comfort, understanding, and sometimes simply the reassurance that they are not alone.

He invited me to share our story, I must admit that when we first connected, it was difficult to tell him all the details about the day you left us. It was hard to explain how normal we were the day before, and how abnormal our lives became afterward. Perhaps the hardest lesson of all has been learning how to live with that abnormality.

For years, I was not ready to tell this story. Some memories felt too painful to revisit, and others seemed impossible to put into words. But grief has taught me that silence does not make the memories disappear. It only makes them heavier to carry.

Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Life is not what one lived, but what one remembers and how one remembers it in order to tell it.” I carry those words with me. That is why today I want to tell the story of how life brought us here.

Violeta, your dad, your sister, and I are from Ecuador. Everyone would say that you are Ecuadorian too, and they would be right. Even though you came into the world in Poland, your roots are Ecuadorian. In a way, you belonged to both places and neither at the same time.

You came into our lives during the pandemic, one of the hardest years the world had experienced, yet one of the most beautiful years of my life.