For Parents
The SUDC Foundation offers a multitude of comprehensive services for you at no cost.
Whether you are newly-bereaved, have a clear understanding of why your child died or not, please contact us today and let us help. Our community of over 2,000 families worldwide is ready to support you in any way we can. For more information, view a list of our detailed services here.
Navigating the Journey of Grief After the Loss of a Child
Grief is a natural process of emotions that occurs when someone dies. Grief integrates into normal routines at variable timeframes for each person. It can be an intense, lonely, and personal experience. No two people will experience the death of a child the same way. A sudden, unexpected death of a child is different from any other death because children are “not supposed to die.” The death is incomprehensible.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. When your child dies, not only does the death destroy the dreams and hopes you had as parents, but it also forces your family to face an event for which you are not prepared. Many parents wonder if they will be able to tolerate the pain, survive it, and be able to feel that life has meaning again. Grief can have its ups and downs. Intense reactions may return on specific dates (birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.), or in connection with milestone events (moving from the home where the child died, the growth of a subsequent sibling beyond the age of the child that died, etc).
As time moves on, the pain from grief becomes less sharp and more integrated into your life. Happiness does return, very, very slowly at first. At some point, you begin to laugh and to appreciate life again. You are a changed person and will never be the same. Family, friends, and your community at large can help you to slowly start your journey to healing.
- Grief is a journey of ups and downs, there’s no right path; take your own way in your own time.
- Just like any other journey your body is need fuel to maintain. Make sure to eat and stay hydrated.
- Sleep may be difficult at times, but make sure you get enough.
- It’s easy to try to fall back into the old habits of life and keep everyone happy, but you need to allow yourself to take breaks.
- It’s okay to say no sometimes. You’re entitled to a break.
- You can’t say no to everything, but you don’t always have to stay the whole time. Have an escape plan available for events that may overwhelm your emotions.
- Find a network of peers to connect with and share your experiences with.
- Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
- Use journaling to channel your emotions.
- Listen to your feelings!
If you are feeling hopeless or want to hurt yourself or others, please reach out to the crisis hotline or text the crisis text line for immediate assistance!
Whether you are newly bereaved, have a clear understanding of why your child died or not, please contact us today and let us help. Our community of over 1,000 families worldwide is ready to support you in any way we can.
For more information, view a list of our detailed services here.
A Broken Heart Still Beats
This is a compilation of short (one page) writings from many authors (some famous) who have lost children. A short writing by editors Anne McCracken and Mary Semel who have lost a child prefaces each chapter. It must have over 100 writings from various authors including Mark Twain, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Victor Hugo, Robert Frost, Eric Clapton (Tears in Heaven) who lost a child.
A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing After the Death of a Loved One by Carol Stuadacher
A collection of truly comforting, down-to-earth thoughts and meditations including the authentic voices of survivors-for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one.
Healing a Parent’s Grieving Heart-100 Practical Ideas After a Child Dies by Alan Wolfett
Presenting simple yet highly effective methods for coping and healing, this book provides answers and relief to parents trying to deal with the loss of a child. Its offers 100 practical, action-oriented tips for embracing grief such as writing a letter to the child, spending time with others who will listen to the story of your grief, creating a memory album, box or website: and remembering others who may still be struggling with the death. The guide discusses common problems: marital stress, helping surviving siblings, dealing with hurtful advice and exploring feelings of guilt. A compassionate resource that will aid parents who have been through the death of a child whether recent or many years ago.
How Can I Help: Twelve Things to Do When Someone You Know Suffers a Loss and What Will Help Me: Twelve Things to Remember When You Have Suffered a Loss by James E Miller
We have used this book for those who wish to volunteer in our peer support program. It is a simple, well-written book. Held one way this book is for those who are grieving. It has twelve brief and easy to read chapters. It offers ideas about how to cope in healthy ways. Held another way this book is for those who are helping the bereaved. It offers twelve chapters of practical advice to help those in need of grief support.
How to Survive the Loss of a Love by Peter McWilliams, Harold Bloomfield and Melba Colgrave
Explores the different ways people react to the loss of a loved one and offers a range of suggestions for coping with grief and finding comfort.
I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Loss of a Loved One by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair
Authors Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., explore the impact of sudden death on the cycle of life. Drawing from their personal experiences and interviews, the book offers guidance to grieving readers on how to endure and grow from the pain of loss.
Mommy, Please Don’t Cry; Tender Words For Broken Hearts by Linda DeYmaz
A heartfelt book for mothers who have endured the profound sorrow of losing a child. Its warm illustrations and simple language make it both accessible and comforting.
Recovering After Loss by Bob Deits
Life after Loss is an essential resource for anyone facing significant life changes due to loss. With compassion and insight, Deits offers practical exercises to help readers navigate grief and create a meaningful life moving forward
Remembering with Love: Messages of Hope for the First Year of Grieving and Beyond by Elizabeth Levang and Sherokee Isle
Nice, short messages of hope. Easy to read with just 2 or 3 pages at a time. Provides reassurance and compassion for those struggling with a loved one’s loss.
The Mourning Handbook: The Most Comprehensive Resource Offering Practical and Compassionate Advice on Coping with All Aspects of Death and Dying by Helen Fitzgerald
This comprehensive guide addresses the journey of grieving, drawing on the author’s experience as a grief counselor. It covers essential topics, from preparing for a loved one’s death to managing practical matters and navigating overwhelming emotions. The book provides fundamental information on grief definitions, funeral planning, and coping strategies, offering general support for those facing loss.
The SIDS Survival Guide Information and Comfort for Grieving Family and Friends and Professionals Who Seek to Help Them by Joani Nelson Horchler and Robin Rice Morris
Formerly titled The SIDS Survival Guide, this anthology was renamed in 2003 to reach a broader audience. Updated with new research, articles, and poems from parents who have lost children to SIDS and other causes, it features nineteen chapters addressing grief experienced by mothers, fathers, siblings, and caregivers. Topics include guilt, anger, dreams, support, funeral planning, anniversaries, and parenting after loss.
When Goodbye is Forever-Learning to Live Again After the Loss of a Child by John Bramblett
In 1985, John and Mairi Bramblett’s two-year-old son, Christopher, died in an accident, leaving their family shattered. Four months later, John began writing When Good-Bye Is Forever, a heartfelt account of their journey through grief and recovery. The book details their initial shock, painful milestones like Christopher’s birthday and death anniversary, and the impact on the entire family. It also serves as a guide for friends and relatives looking to support the bereaved. This compassionate book offers solace and understanding for anyone who has lost a child, addressing grief, guilt, and the path to healing.
When Life Takes What Matters Most: Devotions to Comfort You Through Crisis and Change by Susan Lenzkes
Lenkus offers a reflective, hope-filled devotion guide for those who seek comfort in the face of loss and grief. Brief meditative devotions consider the many aspects of loss and speak compassionately to grieving hearts while offering God-centered solutions.
When The Bough Breaks, Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter by Judith Bernstein
When the Bough Breaks explores the journey from initial grief to a transformed perspective on life after losing a child. Drawing on interviews with 50 parents, Judith R. Bernstein, Ph.D., combines her experiences as both a bereaved parent and psychologist to offer deep insights into resilience and the human spirit. This poignant book blends psychological understanding with heartfelt narratives, providing a compassionate look at the psychology of bereavement.
Roses in December by Marilyn Willett Heavilin
Used for years by individuals, grief counselors, and support groups, Roses in December has helped readers understand the grieving process, support family members, give insight into sibling grief, and maintain their marriages during difficult times. This newly revised edition offers the same compassion and encouragement plus chapters on losing loved ones under special circumstances, such as suicide and AIDS.
With deep empathy, Marilyn helps those who are grieving find God’s comfort. Having lost three sons, she knows the tremendous sorrows and struggles that come with the death of loved ones. Yet she shares how even in the winters of our lives God provides roses—special occasions, special people, and special memories—to give us strength and draw close to Him.
Growing Up In Heaven by James Van Praagh
Blessed with an exceptional gift, New York Times bestselling author James Van Praagh has the ability to bridge the gap between this world and the next. Based on nearly thirty years of spirit communication, this renowned and beloved medium takes us on a powerful, eye-opening, and ultimately inspiring voyage. Filled with incredible and uplifting true stories and profound messages of love, this astounding look at heaven provides a remarkably detailed portrayal of the child’s soul as it moves from this world to the next. Our eyes and hearts open and we experience firsthand the unbreakable bond between parent and child, all the while glimpsing a vision of heaven.
Van Praagh reveals the reality that love transcends the physical and material planes of this world. Growing Up in Heaven lifts our spirits with the knowledge that our departed ones will always be with us—an extraordinary gift for all of us who yearn to understand life on the other side.
Goodnight, Not Goodbye by Laura Sateriale
When Laura Sateriale discovered that her thriving, healthy daughter had passed away in her sleep, her worst nightmare became a painful reality. In the dark hours and days ahead, survival seemed impossible. Goodnight, Not Goodbye is a raw, emotional testament to a mother’s love, and an honest account of SIDS / SUDC loss. Over five years, Laura shares how she learned o cope with grief and the new normal she faced with her family.
How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies by Dr. Therese Rando
Therese A. Rando’s guide, previously published as “Grieving,” offers compassionate and comprehensive support for those navigating the mourning process. It includes a resource listing and a chapter on finding professional help and support groups. Dr. Rando addresses various causes of death and helps readers understand and resolve their grief, communicate with children about death, take care of themselves, accept support, navigate holidays, and plan funerals. The book aims to provide solace, comfort, and guidance, helping readers accept their loss and transition into a new life while cherishing the past
I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye by Brook Noel and Pamela Blair
“I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” is a highly regarded grief book that offers practical tools and empathetic guidance for those navigating the loss of a loved one. Written with profound wisdom, it provides strategies for coping with grief, understanding the grieving process, and finding hope and personal growth. The book addresses various aspects of grief, including anticipatory grief and sudden loss, offering solace and inspiration to help readers heal and rediscover joy in their lives.
A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving Children by Phyllis Silverman and Madelyn Kelly
“A Parent’s Guide to Raising Grieving Children” by Phyllis R. Silverman and Madelyn Kelly provides compassionate guidance for helping children cope with the loss of a loved one. The book covers a wide range of topics, including explaining death to young children, managing teenagers’ moods, and seeking support from friends, therapists, and bereavement groups. The authors advocate for an open and honest approach, emphasizing that acknowledging and helping children understand their feelings can help them develop resilience and trust in their own abilities. The book is based on research and real conversations, offering practical advice and hope to families navigating grief.
The Other Side of Sadness by George A Bonanno
In “The Other Side of Sadness,” psychologist George Bonanno challenges the conventional five stages of grief model, arguing that mourning is unpredictable, and that people possess a natural resilience. He explains that emotions like anger, denial, relief, and joy help individuals cope with loss and that grieving can deepen relationships and lead to a new sense of meaning in life. The book is essential for those experiencing loss, mental health professionals, and anyone interested in understanding human resilience and positive psychology.
It’s OK that You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand by Megan Divine
In “It’s OK That You’re Not OK,” Megan Devine presents a compassionate approach to grief, emphasizing that it is a natural and healthy response to loss, rather than something to be quickly solved. Drawing from her experiences as both a therapist and someone who has endured personal tragedy, Devine challenges cultural myths about grief and advocates for building a life alongside grief rather than trying to overcome it. The book offers practical advice for managing grief and supporting others through loss, highlighting the importance of accepting grief as a valid and enduring part of life.
Modern Loss: Candid Conversation About Grief by Rebecca Soffer and Gabrielle Birnker
“Modern Loss,” inspired by the website praised by the New York Times for redefining mourning, offers a fresh and candid exploration of grief and resilience in the social media age. The book features original essays from various voices, including contributions from Lucy Kalanithi, singer Amanda Palmer, and CNN’s Brian Stelter, who share personal stories on topics like triggers, sex, secrets, and inheritance. Accompanied by beautiful hand-drawn illustrations and witty “how to” cartoons, each contribution provides a unique perspective on loss and a life-affirming message. Brutally honest and inspiring, “Modern Loss” invites readers to talk intimately and humorously about grief, helping us confront the humanity and mortality we all share. Beginners welcome.
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg
“Option B,” co-authored by Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant, explores resilience in adversity. Sheryl shares her personal experience of grief after the sudden death of her husband, Dave Goldberg, and how she coped with the loss. The book also includes stories of people overcoming various hardships, highlighting the human capacity to persevere and rediscover joy. It offers insights on finding strength from within and support from others and provides practical advice on helping others in crisis, developing self-compassion, and fostering resilience in families, communities, and workplaces. The title reflects the idea of making the most of life’s challenges when “Option A” is no longer available.
Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life After a Loss That Changes Everything by Lucy Hone
In the updated second edition of “Resilient Grieving,” Dr. Lucy Hone, a pioneer in the field, shares her personal experience of managing grief after her daughter’s tragic death. The book offers alternatives to the Five Stages of Grief model and introduces contemporary strategies for handling emotions, managing relationships, and seeking support. Dr. Hone offers practical advice on keeping a loved one’s memory alive and provides an empowering alternative to the five stages of grief, emphasizing our capacity for growth following the trauma of a loss that changes everything. The book helps readers regain control and find meaning in their journey through loss.
The SUDC Cares Complimentary Counseling Program provides specialized grief support for families affected by sudden and unexplained child loss. Led by a Licensed Social Worker, this program offers personalized, complimentary coaching to help families navigate their grief journey. The supportive environment ensures that experiences are validated, emotions are acknowledged, and resilience is fostered. For more details, you can visit the SUDC Foundation’s program page.
The SUDC Foundation’s Peer Connections Program offers support by pairing newly bereaved families with trained Peer Connection Volunteers who have experienced similar loss. These dedicated volunteers play a crucial role in providing emotional support, sharing insights, and offering encouragement, helping families feel understood and less alone. While not a substitute for professional counseling, the program complements it by fostering connections through shared experiences, promoting healing and resilience.
Be sure to contact [email protected] for more information on the following Support Services:
Zoom Support Groups
- Bereaved Parents Support Hour: Connect with other parents who are bereaved.
- Virtual Dad’s Gathering: A space for fathers to share and support each other.
- Grandparents Support Hour: Dedicated support for grandparents.
- Parents of Older Children: Support for parents of older SUDC Children. (Losses over age 8)
Community Events
Our community events feature a range of enriching activities, including healing sessions, engaging workshops, and inspiring guest speaker series.
- For more information, please visit our Events page for the latest community events.
Private Facebook Family Support Group
An empathetic community for sharing experiences and seeking advice, our active closed Facebook group, The Family Support Group, offers registered family members emotional support and valuable insights from those who have faced similar challenges.
- For more information, contact [email protected]