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A child’s reaction to their sibling’s death can vary depending on age, developmental state, socialization, and the circumstances of death; including how they found out. The Dougy Center: The National Center for Grieving Children & Families has wonderful information on the developmental stages as it relates to the concept of death, grief response, and signs of distress. You can view these details here.
Here are some tips adapted from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) to help:
Acknowledge that many siblings feel guilty, but correct inaccurate thoughts and information.
Reassure the child that all children are different and unique, and that he or she is just as important and loved as the child who died. You should also pay attention to friends or family members’ comments comparing a surviving sibling to the child who died. You should comfort your child and help others understand that this can be hurtful.
Focus on comforting connections with the sibling who died, perhaps by talking with surviving children about happy memories or special life lessons they shared. At the same time, help surviving children to see and appreciate their own unique strengths and abilities and their special place within the family.
Although difficult, keeping open communication and providing your child with age-appropriate information about their deceased sibling so that they can feel comfortable coming to you with their questions, concerns, and feelings will help you to understand your surviving children’s feelings, fears, and help them understand their sibling’s death.
Consider the impact of where and how many of your deceased child’s things are kept visible in the home by trying to include siblings in some of the decision making in age-appropriate ways. age. Physical reminders can be comforting for surviving children and let them know that the person who died was a valued member of the family. If you yourself find these reminders too upsetting, look for ways that the surviving children can keep some reminders.
Encourage children to return to their regular, life affirming activities. Playing and socializing with friends can increase children’s sense of accomplishment and give them vital social support.
If children show recurring feelings of responsibility and guilt, reassure them that the death was not their fault. Explain that things often look different when we look back and think about “what might have been,” but that there was nothing they could have done at the time. Let children know that you don’t blame them for their sibling’s death.
Acknowledge surviving children’s fears and talk about them without dismissing them. Reassure children about their safety, for example, by reviewing safety plans and establishing check-in times.
Families registered with the SUDC Foundation can access more information on children and grief in the private access area for registered families section of our website.
Nctsn.org. (2019). Sibling Loss Fact Sheet: Sibling Death and Childhood Traumatic Grief. [online] Available at: https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources//sibling_death_and_childhood_traumatic_grief_families.pdf [Accessed 13 Nov. 2019].
“The Colors of Love and Loss” By Dr. Joanne Cacciatore – Free Digital Book – English & Spanish
All God’s Creatures Go To Heaven by Amy Nolfo-Wheeler. All ages.
Children Are Not Paper Dolls by Erin Linn (Ages 9-15)
Children Facing Grief by Jan Rodmond (Ages 8-16)
Dancing on the Moon by Janice Roper and Lauren Grimm (Ages infant to Preschool)
Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins-A Journal For Teenagers Experiencing a Loss by Enid Samuel Traisman (Ages: Young Adult)
Grieving for the Sibling You Lost: A Teen’s Guide to Coping with Grief & Finding Meaning After Loss by Erica Goldblatt Hyatt (Ages: Teen)
Healing Grieving Hearts for Teens by Alan Wolfet (Ages: Young Adult)
Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities For Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies by Janis Silverman (Ages 5–teen)
Here in the Garden by Briony Stewart (Ages 5-8)
I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas (Ages 4-8)
I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand by Pat Palmer and Dianne O’Quinne Burke (Ages 9 –12)
I’ll Always Love You by Hans Wilhelm (Ages 4-8)
Isabella’s Dream by Betsy Bottino Arenella (Ages 4-8)
Losing Someone You Love by Elizabeth Richter (Ages 7 and up)
My Brother Joey Died Today by McLendon & Messner (Ages 10-14)
Sad Isn’t Bad- A Good Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss by Michaelene Mandy and RW Alley (Ages 4-8)
Someone Came Before You by Pat Schwiebert (Preschool age)
Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers: How to Cope With Losing Someone You Love by Earl A Grollman (Teens)
The Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley (Ages 4–8)
The Fall of Freddy the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia (Ages 4–8)
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst (Ages 4-8)
The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland (Ages 4-8)
The Tenth Best Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst and Erik Blegvard (Ages 4-8)
This Book is For All Kids but Especially For My Sister Libby. Libby Died. by Jack and Annette Simon (Ages 4 –8)
To Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas For Kids by Alan Wolfet (Ages 9-12)
Today My Sister Died by Ronee Christy Domske (Ages 10 and up)
What Do They Do All Day in Heaven? by Staci Thomas
What on Earth to Do When Someone Dies by Trevor Romain (Ages 9 – 12)
What’s Heaven by Maria Shriver (Ages 5-8)
When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Tales: Life Guides for Families) by Laurie Krasny Brown (Ages 4-8)
When Someone VERY Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard (to be illustrated by children) (ages 6-12)
Where’s Jess? by Joy & Marv Johnson (Ages 3-8)
Experience Camps, California
Green Oak Ranch in Vista, CA
Tel: (833) 226-7385
Website: experiencecamps.org
Camp Erin of the Central Valley
Community Hospice
Modesto, CA
Tel: (209) 321-1319
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Camp Comfort
Mount Evans Hospice
3081 Bergen Peak Drive
Evergreen, Colorado 80439
Tel: (303) 674-6400
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Camp BraveHeart
3Hopeful Hearts
712 Whalers Way, A201
Fort Collins, Colorado 80525
Tel: (970) 430-6136
Website: http://3hopefulhearts.com
Camp Erin Connecticut
Meriden, CT
Tel: (216) 524-4673
Website: covect.org
Camp Forget-Me-Not / Camp Erin DC
Wendt Center for Loss and Healing
Washington, DC
Tel: (202) 624-0010 x150
Website: wendtcenter.org
Camp Erin Tampa Bay 2021
Suncoast Kids Place
Tampa, FL
Tel: (813) 990-0216
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Camp Circle of Love
LifePath Hospice
4200 W. Cypress St.
Tampa, FL 33607
Tel: (813) 357-5605
Website: chaptershealth.org
Camp Erin South Florida
Miami Lakes, FL
Tel: (954) 944-2709
Website: catholichealthservices.org
Experience Camps, Georgia
At Camp Twin Lakes in Rutledge, GA
Tel: (833) 226-7385
Website: experiencecamps.org
Camp Erin Atlanta
Camp Magik
Atlanta, GA
Tel: (404) 790-0140
Website: www.campmagik.org
Lewis Clark Valley Camp Erin
Willow Center, Inc.
0309 2nd Street PO Box 1361
Lewiston, ID 83501 United States
Tel: (208) 790-8648
Website: willow-center.org
Camp Erin South Idaho
Because Kids Grieve
Twin Falls, ID
Tel: (208) 352-2994
Website: becausekidsgrieve.org
Camp Good Grief
IU Health Bloomington Hospice
P. O. Box 1149 1155 W. 3rd Street
Bloomington, IN 47404
Tel: (812) 353-9818
Website: IUHealth.org
Amanda the Panda Grief & Loss Camp
EveryStep Grief & Loss – Amanda the Panda
1821 Grand Avenue Amanda the Panda
West Des Moines, IA 50265
Tel: (515) 223-4847
Website: everystep.org
Bayou and Sunshine Summer Camp
Baton Rouge Children’s Advocacy Center
646 East Blvd
Baton Rouge, Louisiana 70802
United States
Tel: (225) 343-1984
Website: batonrougecac.org
Camp Erin South Louisiana
Cancer Services
Baton Rouge, LA
Tel: (225) 927-2273
Website: ancerservices.org
STARS Equine Adventure Camp
St Elizabeth Hospice
483 South Loop Dr
Edgewood, KY
Tel: (859) 301-4611
Website: stelizabeth.com
Experience Camps, Maine
Tel: (833) 226-7385
Website: experiencecamps.org
Camp Stepping Stones
Care Dimensions
78 Liberty Street
Danvers, Massachusetts
Tel: (978) 750-9335
Website: CareDimensions.org
Camp Erin Boston
Beth Israel Lahey Health at Home
Wayland, MA
Tel: (508) 309-5107
Website: camperinboston.org
Camp Erin Montgomery County
CaringMatters, Inc.
518 S. Frederick Avenue
Gaithersburg, MD 20877
Tel: (301) 869-4673
Website: caringmatters.org
Camp Erin Baltimore
Roberta’s House
Baltimore, MD
Tel: (410) 235-6633
Website: robertashouse.org
Experience Camps, Michigan
At Camps Lake of the Woods and Greenwoods in Decatur, MI
Tel: (833) 226-7385
Website: experiencecamps.org
Camp Courage
Annie’s Hope
1333 W. Lockwood, Ste. 104
St. Louis, MO 63122
Tel: (314) 965-5015
Website: annieshope.org
Hearts of Hope Family Grief Camp
Children’s Grief Connection
20000 176th St NW
Big Lake, MN 55309
Tel: (651) 395-8177
Website: childrensgriefconnection.com
Camp Erin Twin Cities
Brighter Days Grief Center
Eden Prairie, MN
Tel: (952) 219-8514
Website: brighterdaysgriefcenter.org
Lost & Found Grief Camp
1555 S Glenstone Ave
Springfield, Missouri 65804
Tel: (417) 865-9998
Website: lostandfoundozarks.com
Camp Erin Kansas City
Kansas City Hospice & Palliative Care/ Solace House
Kansas City, MN
Tel: (913) 341-0318
Website: kchospice.org
Camp Erin Lincoln
Mourning Hope Grief Center
1311 South Folsom Street
Lincoln, NE 68522 United States
Tel: (402) 488-8989
Website: mourninghope.org
Camp Good Grief
East End Hospice
PO Box 1048
Westhampton Beach, NY 11978
Tel: (631) 288-8400
Website: eehcampgoodgrief.org
Camp Good Mourning!
PO Box 499
Huntington, NY 11743
Tel: (631) 772-9115
Website: campgoodmourning.org
Camp Compass
Calvary Hospital
1740 Eastchester Road
Bronx, NY 10461
Tel: (646) 739-1005
Website: calvaryhospital.org
Camp Erin Albany
The Community Hospice
Albany, NY
Tel: (518) 724-0200
Website: hospicegriefservices.com
Camp Rainbow
Rainbow Kidz
2347 Simonton Road
Statesville, NC 28625
Tel: (704) 873-4719
Website: HOIC.org
Camp ReLEAF
Duke Home Care and Hospice
4321 Medical Park Dr #101
Durham, NC 27704
Tel: (919) 644-6869
Website: dukehealth.org
Camp Erin
Cornerstone of Hope
5905 Brecksville Rd.
Independence, OH 44131
Tel: (614) 824-4285
Website: cornerstoneofhope.org
Camp Cornerstone
Cornerstone of Hope
5905 Brecksville Rd.
Independence, OH 44131
Tel: (614) 824-4285
Website: cornerstoneofhope.org
Camp Memory
Cornerstone of Hope
1550 Old Henderson Rd. Suite E-262
Columbus, OH 43220 United States
Tel: (614) 824-4285
Website: cornerstoneofhope.org
Camp Pathways
Ohio’s Hospice of Dayton
324 Wilmington Ave.
Dayton, Ohio 45420 United States
Tel: (937) 258-4991
Website: hospiceofdayton.org
Fernside Summer Camp
4360 Cooper Road Suite 100
Cincinnati, OH 45211
Tel: (513) 246-9140
Website: fernside.org
Camp Erin Tulsa
The Tristesse Grief Center
2502 E. 71st Street
Tulsa, OK 74136 United States
Tel: (918) 587-1200
Website: thegriefcenter.org
Camp Erin Portland
Providence Hospice of Oregon
Portland, OR
Tel: (503) 215-5879
Website: oregon.providence.org
Camp Wakchazi
UPMC Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh
4401 Penn Avenue
Pittsburgh, PA 15224 United States
Tel: (412) 748-1596
Website: chp.edu
Camp Millie
Center for Loss & Bereavement
3847 Skippack Pike PO Box 1299
SKIPPACK, PA 19474 United States
Tel: (610) 222-4110
Website: bereavementcenter.org
Experience Camps, Pennsylvania
At Camps Equinunk and Blue Ridge in Equinunk, PA.
Tel: (833) 226-7385
Website: experiencecamps.org
Camp Koala
PO Box 2106
Kingston, PA 18704
Tel: (717) 258-1122
Website: campkoala.org
Camp Erin Philadelphia
Penn Medicine Hospice
Bala Cynwyd, PA
Location
Tel: (610) 617-2486
Website: pennmedicine.org
Shannon’s Hope Camp
Bridges of Hope
Charleston, SC 29406
Tel: (843) 216-7323
Website: shannonshopecamp.org
Camp Hands of Hope
Hospice & Palliative Care Foundation
PO Box 151
Drayton, SC 29333 United States
Tel: (843) 409-7991
Website: camphandsofhope.org
All Seasons Healing Heart Camp
Child and Family Resource Foundation
PO Box 1257 122 East Home Ave
Hartsville, South Carolina 29551
Tel: (843) 917-0495
Website: childandfamilyresourcefoundation.com
Camp Forget-Me-Not
Alive Hospice Grief Center
1721 Patterson St.
Nashville, TN 37203
Tel: (615) 963-4732
Website: Alivehospice.org
Camp Mending Hearts
Mending Hearts Grief Center
4201 St. Hwy 6 S
College Station, Texas 77845
United States
Tel: (979) 704-6406
Website: mendingheartsgriefcenter.org
Camp Agapè
PO Box 1484
Marble Falls, Texas 78654
Tel: (830) 385-8916
Website: CampAgapeTexas.org
Camp Cardinal
Children’s Bereavement Center of South Texas
205 W. Olmos Drive
San Antonio, Texas 78212
Tel: (210) 736-4847
Website: cbcst.org
Camp Red Bird
The Austin Center for Grief & Loss
2413 Greenlawn Parkway
Austin, TX 78757
Tel: (512) 472-7878
Website: austingrief.org
Comfort Zone Camp
6606 West Broad Street Suite 401
Richmond, VA 23230
Tel: (804) 377-3430
Website: comfortzonecamp.org
Camp Erin Everett
Providence Hospice of Snohomish County
Everett, WA
Tel: (206) 749-7689
Website: washington.providence.org
Camp Erin Seattle
Providence Hospice of Seattle
Tukwila, WA
Tel: (206) 749-7689
Website: washington.providence.org
Camp Erin Tacoma
BRIDGES: A Center for Grieving Children
Tacoma, WA
Tel: (253) 403-1966
Website: marybridge.org
Camp HOPE
P.O. Box 84
Amherst, Wisconsin 54406
Tel: (715) 341-0076
Website: camphopeforkids.org
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