For Siblings

A child’s reaction to their sibling’s death can vary depending on age, developmental state, socialization, and the circumstances of death; including how they found out. The Dougy Center: The National Center for Grieving Children & Families has wonderful information on the developmental stages as it relates to the concept of death, grief response, and signs of distress. You can view these details here.

Here are some tips adapted from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) to help:

Acknowledge that many siblings feel guilty, but correct inaccurate thoughts and information.

Reassure the child that all children are different and unique, and that he or she is just as important and loved as the child who died. You should also pay attention to friends or family members’ comments comparing a surviving sibling to the child who died. You should comfort your child and help others understand that this can be hurtful.

Focus on comforting connections with the sibling who died, perhaps by talking with surviving children about happy memories or special life lessons they shared. At the same time, help surviving children to see and appreciate their own unique strengths and abilities and their special place within the family.

Although difficult, keeping open communication and providing your child with age-appropriate information about their deceased sibling so that they can feel comfortable coming to you with their questions, concerns, and feelings will help you to understand your surviving children’s feelings, fears, and help them understand their sibling’s death.

Consider the impact of where and how many of your deceased child’s things are kept visible in the home by trying to include siblings in some of the decision making in age-appropriate ways. age. Physical reminders can be comforting for surviving children and let them know that the person who died was a valued member of the family. If you yourself find these reminders too upsetting, look for ways that the surviving children can keep some reminders.

Encourage children to return to their regular, life affirming activities. Playing and socializing with friends can increase children’s sense of accomplishment and give them vital social support.

If children show recurring feelings of responsibility and guilt, reassure them that the death was not their fault. Explain that things often look different when we look back and think about “what might have been,” but that there was nothing they could have done at the time. Let children know that you don’t blame them for their sibling’s death.

Acknowledge surviving children’s fears and talk about them without dismissing them. Reassure children about their safety, for example, by reviewing safety plans and establishing check-in times.

Families registered with the SUDC Foundation can access more information on children and grief in the private access area for registered families section of our website.

Nctsn.org. (2019). Sibling Loss Fact Sheet: Sibling Death and Childhood Traumatic Grief. [online] Available at: https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources//sibling_death_and_childhood_traumatic_grief_families.pdf [Accessed 13 Nov. 2019].

Ages: 0-3

• “All God’s Creatures Go To Heaven” by Amy Nolfo-Wheeler
• “Dancing on the Moon” by Janice Roper and Lauren Grimm
• “Someone Came Before You” by Pat Schwiebert

• “The Colors of Love and Loss” By Dr. Joanne Cacciatore – Free Digital Book – English & Spanish
• “All God’s Creatures Go To Heaven” by Amy Nolfo-Wheeler
• “Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities For Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies” by Jani Silverman
• “Here in the Garden” by Briony Stewart
• “I Miss You: A First Look at Death” by Pat Thomas
• “I’ll Always Love You” by Hans Wilhelm
• “Isabella’s Dream by Betsy Bottino Arenella Losing Someone You Love” by Elizabeth Richter
• “Sad Isn’t Bad- A Good Grief Guidebook for Kids Dealing with Loss” by Michaelene Mandy and RW Alley
• “The Fall of Freddy the Leaf” by Leo Buscaglia
• “The Invisible String by Patrice Karst The Memory Box: A Book About Grief ” by  Joanna Rowland
• “The Tenth Best Thing About Barney” by Judith Viorst and Erik Blegvard
• “This Book is For All Kids but Especially For My Sister Libby. Libby Died. ” by Jack and Annette Simon
• “What’s Heaven” by Maria Shriver
• “When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death (Dino Tales: Life Guides for Families)”  by Laurie Krasny Brown
• “When Someone VERY Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief”  by Marge Heegaard (to be illustrated by children)
• “Where’s Jess?” by Joy & Marv Johnson

Ages: 9-12

• “Children Are Not Paper Dolls” by Erin Linn
• “Children Facing Grief by Jan Rodmond Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities For Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies” by Janis Silverman
• “I Wish I Could Hold Your Hand” by Pat Palmer and Dianne O’Quinne Burke
• “Losing Someone You Love” by Elizabeth Richter
• “My Brother Joey Died Today” by McLendon & Messner
• “To Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas For Kids” by Alan Wolfet
• “Today My Sister Died” by Ronee Christy Domske
• “What Do They Do All Day in Heaven?” by Staci Thomas
• “What on Earth to Do When Someone Dies” by Trevor Romain

Ages: 13+

• “All God’s Creatures Go To Heaven” by Amy Nolfo-Wheeler
• “Children Are Not Paper Dolls” by Erin Linn Children Facing Grief by Jan Rodmond
• “Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins-A Journal For Teenagers Experiencing a Loss” by Enid Samuel Traisman

• “Grieving for the Sibling You Lost: A Teen’s Guide to Coping with Grief & Finding Meaning After Loss” by Erica Goldblatt Hyatt
• “Healing Grieving Hearts for Teens” by Alan Wolfet
• “Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When A Special Person Dies” by Janis Silverman
• “Losing Someone You Love” by Elizabeth Richter
  
• “My Brother Joey Died Today” by McLendon & Messner
  
• “Straight Talk About Death for Teenagers: How to Cope With Losing Someone You Love“ by Earl A Grollman
  
• “Today My Sister Died” by Ronee Christy Domske

Nurturing Resilience Co-Regulating With Surviving Siblings After The Loss Of a Child
Losing a child brings profound grief, making it challenging for parents to support their surviving children while managing their own sorrow. By understanding and implementing co-regulation, which involves mutual emotional support and balance, parents can create a nurturing environment to help both themselves and their children navigate this challenging time. Read Article Here

Explaining Cremation to Children
We researched and compiled a list of practical tips for adults on how to explain cremation to children. This resource aims to support families and provide guidance in navigating this difficult topic. Read Article Here

Understanding Children’s Grief: Navigating Sibling Loss
This article provides guidance on how to have sensitive and age-appropriate conversations with siblings about sudden unexplained death, offering tips and resources for supporting them through this difficult time. Read Article Here

When Your Sister or Brother Dies – Sibling Bereavement Support Suggestions
Part 1 -Immediate Care
The article highlights the importance of reassuring siblings that they are not to blame, allowing them to express their emotions, and involving them in memorial activities. Children may feel vulnerable, frightened, and guilty; providing compassionate support is essential to healing. Process. Encouraging honest conversations about death and fostering positive memories helps build trust and provides security during this difficult
period. Read Article Here

Understanding Children’s Grief: Navigating Sibling Loss
This article explores how children’s responses to loss vary across developmental stages, emphasizing the importance of tailored support. By understanding these differences, caregivers can provide appropriate emotional and cognitive resources to help children navigate their grief journey effectively. The article offers detailed strategies to assist grieving children in coping and finding comfort during this challenging time. Read Article Here

Navigating the Difficult Conversation: Explaining Sudden Unexplained Death to a Sibling
This article provides guidance on how to have sensitive and age-appropriate conversations with siblings about sudden unexplained death, offering tips and resources for supporting them through this difficult time. For Casey: My Reflections on Losing my Little Sister to SUDC In this heartfelt reflection, the author shares personal experiences and insights into coping with the loss of a sibling to Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC), offering comfort and understanding to others facing similar challenges. Read Article Here

Monitors and SUDC Siblings: A 2020 Update
The article reviews scientific perspectives and mental health considerations with monitoring systems. It discusses the lack of evidence supporting monitors as preventative measures for SUDC and provides practical guidance for families considering their use, stressing the importance of informed decision-making and consultation with healthcare providers. Read Article Here

Sibling Loss: Experiencing Grief Through a Child’s Eyes
In a heartfelt reflection, pediatrician Erin Bowen shares her family’s journey through the sudden and unexplained death of her son Conor, and the profound impact it had on their daughter Tessa. She highlights the lack of preparation in medical training for such tragedies and emphasizes the crucial role pediatricians play in supporting grieving siblings like Tessa. Highlighting the ongoing challenges and evolving grief of siblings
over time, Bowen advocates for pediatricians to proactively support these children through various resources and interventions. She also underscores the importance of community and shared experiences in navigating the complexities of sibling loss, while advocating for open conversations and support within medical practice. Read Article Here

• Helping Children Understand Cremation 
• How to Explain Cremation to a Child 

• Sample letter for your child’s school 
• When a Student Loses a Sibling: A Toolkit for Schools 

• The Dougy Center – The mission of Dougy Center is to provide grief support in a safe place where children, teens, young adults, and their families can share their experiences before and after a death. 
• The Compassionate Friends –  The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.  

• Seasons Centre for Grieving Children –  Seasons Centre provides peer support and education for children, youth and families facing the death of a loved one. 
• Fred Rogers Center ​- Staying true to the vision of Fred Rogers, we help children grow as confident, competent, and caring human beings. 
• Coalition for Grieving Students -The Coalition to Support Grieving Students is a unique collaboration of the leading professional organizations representing classroom educators (including educators, paraprofessionals, and other instructional staff), principals, assistant principals, superintendents, school board members, and central office staff, student support personnel (including school counselors, school nurses, school psychologists, school social workers, and other student support personnel), and other school professionals who have come together with a common conviction: grieving students need the support and care of the school community. 
• New York Life Bereavement Resources – The Foundation strives to support young people, particularly in the areas of educational enhancement and childhood bereavement support. 
• National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement – The National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement (NCSCB) at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles is dedicated to supporting students through crisis and loss. 

• National Alliance for Grieving Children –The National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC) is a nonprofit organization that raises awareness about the needs of children and teens who are grieving a death and provides education and resources for anyone who supports them.